Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Isolation


Check my phone for the billionth time – really it’s only 1:32pm there’s still 5 hours to go. I’m covered in spit, snot and sweat and none of it my own, my legs are full of scratches and there’s rice stuck in my hair. As I put my phone down there’s a little face staring up at me smiling, well now he’s crying cause he slipped on his little book and face planted into the carpet. “It’s okay sweetie, mumma’s got you” – now I can add tears to the list of today’s fluids on me (the wee came later in the night).

So much energy in such a little package – no energy left inside the mumma package. I adore and cherish this little munchkin and love him to bits, but some days I just don’t want to adult anymore. I want to sleep in (well try as sleep escapes me – the kid sleeps better than I), focus on a task for longer than 30 seconds, I want someone to talk to me about anything and everything not just ask me how the baby is going and then walk away.

I love being a mumma and I cherish every moment with my little Star Boy however I was never prepared for the isolation that comes with it. All day alone, no breaks, no communication with the outside world, trapped like a rat in a maze. The struggles are hard: try communicating with the outside and you’re shut down, ignored, told to be grateful and suck it up. I know there’s nothing that can be said to make it all better but a listening ear can make you feel less alone and at least heard.

We cannot function as a sole unit and we need community to survive so why do we except parents to do it alone, why do we offer up “support” in forms of “just deal with it”, “oh get over it all children are like that”, “be grateful for what you have after all you struggled to get this one” (that’s the one that hurts the most especially coming from family). Ok I know we cannot fix the problem as yes all kids have their “jerk” moments where you are just so over it all you want to do is tie them to the chair and let them watch Thomas the Tank Engine all day. Most of us know you cannot say anything that will make it easier as parenting is a tough job and words cannot magically take away the struggle so why don’t we instead just be a friend and listen or talk about other things happening in the world that doesn’t involve the child. It’s actually nice to have other conversations.

Words cannot save us alone only connection can.

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